Therapy for Over-Functioning & High-Competency
the many faces of over-functioning…
may look like hyper-competency…the “rock,” the one everyone comes to for support
may look like you’ve got it all together on the outside, but you’re internal anxiety is turned to 100
may be in a constant state of “should” thinking…in other words, feeling you’re efforts are never enough by your standards
may look like being in a constant state of self-improvement
may look like always taking on more than you want to, but it’s become an identity, so you don’t say no
may be constant people-pleasing, needing others to view you as perfect or that you know things
may be pushing through physical pain, pushing down emotional pain as a habit
may be hiding your anxiety & even panic attacks from others, hoping it will go away
may be never asking for help, fear of not having it all together…
may be being the one in charge, in control of things… belief that others are inadequate to do things “right”
When Over-Functioning has become the dominate pattern of getting things done, getting through life & keeping yourself from falling apart…it becomes solidified into IDENTITY.
From the contemplative view, this can create suffering & block access to feeling free & in the present moment.
Together, we explore how this strategy has evolved for you, how it’s helped you in the past & then bring in new somatic skills. These skills function to begin to shift your relational choices & begin to be guided by something other than doubt & fear.
Control is an illusion of the mind, but is very real in how our bodies begin to feel stuck & full of tension patterns. For this reason, working with your body becomes essential…Ideas, alone, will not come close enough to shift these patterns.
when control becomes a burden…
approaches to over-functioning
Contemplative Psychotherapy for learning to notice the beliefs driving the actions…
Somatic Psychotherapy for working through & balancing fundamental movement…learning through the body is let go, to create & maintain boundaries & ask for help…
Mindfulness Practice to build a tool box that helps you reduce anxiety & panic as it arises…
A Neurodiversity Lens helps to recognize when Autism, ADHD or AuDHD are fueling the pattern…
many reasons we might be in survival mode…
As children, we are responding to our environment & doing the best we can with what our environment has to offer….choices are made based in the brain development of our child self. This can result in irrational choices, dysfunctional choices, choices made purely from survival needs such as hyper vigilance, dissociation, which are not “thought out” choices, but originate at the survival, nervous system level.
Our bodies do not need much repetition before a behavior is adopted as the “go-to” action.
Sometimes our early environment was not so bad, not particularly traumatic or abusive, but still not what we needed. This can happen particularly for people with sensory processing differences.
Simply not having emotionally-attuned caregivers (enough of the time) or having caregivers preoccupied with another family members’ needs can result in a person adopting an over-functioning or high-competency strategy.
There is a significant number of women who are ADHDers who run what I call a “high-competency” strategy that relies on a high level of anxiety & hyper-functioning…the “things” get done, but at a VERY HIGH PRICE.
These women tend to not get identified as ADHDers, Autistic or AuDHD because of this outward presentation of “having it all together.”
what is the goal?
I want to be very clear that the opposite of over-functioning or hyper-competency is not dysfunction or incompetence!
There is often a strong fear that letting go of hyper-competency would be letting go of your value, your identity & that there will be nothing left. If this is the case for you…it’s time to work on it in a real way.
Ultimately, you will need to decide what your goal is, but I will put forth this idea:
The goal is that you develop the ability to be in the present moment, have access to true relaxation in your body & mind…& you like yourself & your life. Meeting these intentions is a process that takes time, but it can be done.